The Cynics Glossary of Business Terms

Again work has swallowed up all my time recently and now equipped with broader business horizons courtesy of an excellent course at Henley Management College in the last few weeks, I feel confident enough to decipher any annual report thrown my way. We have even had our big announcement at LEGO in the last few days and I am relieved to say that our CEO, Jorgen Vig Knudstorp, did not use any of the terminology below so I feel confident I shall remain employed for a while longer :). Big thanks to Nick Rints for his excercise Lemming business simulation and this piece of insight I will share with you.

So here goes:

This glossary will be helpful to you in interpreting some of the terms in common use:

A man of broad experience and sound judgement  [Translation: my wife's brother]

A buoyant year [Translation: We just managed to keep our heads above water]

A year of consolidation [Translation: No growth]

Major challenge ahead [Translation: We have lost our monopoly]

Substantial improvement [Translation: Your board has it's fingers crossed]

Cautious optimism [Translation: It looks good if you stand far enough away]

Especially encouraging [Translation: Absolutely hopeless]

Impeded by lack of liquidity [Translation: We are practically bankrupt]

Acting in your best interest [Translation: Acting in my best interest]

We have called in the management consultants [Translation: We can't see any way out of this mess]

Capitalised development expenditure [Translation: We should have shown loss]

Continued to divest ourselves of activities that did not fit in to the new strategy [Translation: We got rid of the rubbish]

From this phase your company emerged in a new form [Translation: Smaller and less profitable]

New service agreements [Translation: We are expecting a takeover bid]

Unforeseen losses [Translation: Our cost control is up the spout]

Continue to serve the company in an advisory capacity [Translation: If we sacked him he might split on us]

Plans which for good commercial reasons cannot be announced {Translation: The shares would fall through the floor]