Recently my life as become to resemble what I call my life in-between, rather than life proper. What do I mean? Life in-between is what happens between all the work, deadlines, travel and to-dos, which is also aggravated by the fact that my partner is in exactly the same situation. We meet at home in the evening, both tired and exhausted by the various things preoccupying our minds and life in general seems to be on hold. This weekend is a prime example. Both of us are trying to squeeze life in between all the work we have to do as well.
So what are the consequences? A sense of 'floating', a disconnect, a desire to grab hold of things and make meaning out of them as a reaction to the things neither one of us are in control of. Talk about life balance, currently it seems that we just rush from one deliverable to the next. It is surreal in many ways, and I've noticed I tend to counter this avalanche of expectations by obsessively immersing myself in things I do have some level of control over, such as cycling, fettling with the set-up of my bike or other technical interests. It's really a knee-jerk reaction to a sense of frustration of not being able to grasp hold of the things that influence my life. In fact, fettling with my bike is really a deliberate quest for Flow.
What is Flow? Flow is a phenomenon first described by Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi, which refers to the notion of ideal experiences, a sense of self-absorption where one is deeply engaged in an activity where one is learning, exercising one's creativity and altering one's sense of time. These are the moments in life that give us our fondest memories, where we truly find meaning and a sense of progression as individuals and when Flow is missing from our lives, we feel out-of-sync, frustrated and have a sense of our lives lacking meaning. Csikszentmihalyi lists a set of characteristics that define flow as follows:
- There is a heightened concentration and focus, involving all one's senses
- One's sense of time is altered
- One is touched emotionally
- The process is unique for the individual and has intrinsic value
- There is contact with the 'raw' stuff, the real thing
- One does something and undergoes something
- There is a sense of playfulness
- One has a feeling of having control of the situation
- There is a balance between the challenge and one's own capacities
- There is a clear goal
Every meaningful experience must satisfy all of these criteria and that is no easy task. This is where I believe many companies fail and many jobs are inherently in conflict with the above, because of how jobs are divided between departments, the reporting structures, the politics and whatnot. It is simply hard to find a task with the appropriate amount of scope, depth and progression to match an individual's needs all the time. This is no excuse for companies not trying to achieve a greater sense of flow in the jobs they offer, because flow leads to greater productivity, a more satisfied workforce and a more healthy, transparent and successful organisation, where passion is high among employees.
In the meantime, we must also realise as individuals that Flow is so important in our lives, we cannot leave it to bosses, companies or co-workers alone to find the perfect framework for it, we need to actively participate in this process ourselves.
Moreover, as reality will have it our working lives will not be a 100% perfect a 100% of the time and that is why it is so important for us to have our hobbies and interests beside the work we do too. These interests help define us as individuals, they are an opportunity for us to engage in satisfying the criteria above on our own terms, rather than rendering control of all the opportunities for the creation of Flow to a third party, such as our employers, partners, family or friends. I'm not saying it is impossible for a company, partner, friend etc. to be part of creating a moment of Flow with us, what I am saying is that Flow is so important we must assume responsibility ourselves for making sure we have an opportunity to experience it on our own terms in an area we are interested in.
People call it many different things, whether it is 'me-time', having your own shed, staking out your independence, ultimately these are steps towards creating the mental and physical space for us to make it possible to engage in moments of Flow around the interest we are passionate about. That is something no partner, family or employer should take away from us and those who do not have it, it is an open challenge to find it. You will need it, sooner or later. Life is more than just the in-between.


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