Digital Digressions: Life Observations in a nutshell: Best Bumper Stickers Part II

One of the most popular posts of this blog was my definitive list of favourite bumper stickers I did a while ago See Post. Since then I have come across some more treasures, many submitted by your good selves, dear readers. So thank you to all who have commented and sent me emails – here's to you all: part II of best bumper stickers:

On career and success:

A bad day of fishing beats a good day of working.
A bad day of golf beats a good day of working.
A boss is like a diaper. Always on your ass and constantly full of crap.
A cubicle is just a padded cell without a door.
A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.
A sense of humour is the difference between ambition and achievement.
Advice is free: The right answer will cost plenty.
All I need is some peace and quiet. If I got a piece I'd be quiet!
All stressed out and no one to choke.
Always put the important before the merely urgent.
Always remember you're unique. Just like everyone else.
Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy.
An expert is a person who has made all the mistakes which can be made in a very narrow field.
An expert is one who knows more and more about less and less.
Another Deadline, Another Miracle!
Behind every successful woman is herself.
Crime wouldn't pay if the government ran it.
Diplomacy is the art of letting someone else get your way.
Even if you are on the right track, you'll get run over if you just sit there.
Even Jesus lived with his mother until he was 30.
Everyone is entitled to my opinion
Everyone makes mistakes, that why pencil have erasers
Everything I know, I learnt by killing smart people and eating their brains.
Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
Hire teenagers while they still know everything!
Honesty pays, but not enough
Housework is evil, it must be stopped.
I'll do anything for money, except work.
I fight poverty, I work
I have a drink problem - I can't afford it.
I have yet to hear a MAN ask for advice on how to combine marriage and career.
I love my boss, I love my job, I'm self employed
I owe it all to my boss - Ulcers, nausea, paranoia...
I respect your opinion. Just don't want to hear it!
I won't rise to the occasion, but I'll slide over to it.
If all else fails .. lower your standards
If at first you do succeed, try not to look astonished.
If at first you don't succeed, aim lower.
If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving is not for you
If crime fighters fight crime, and fire fighters fight fire, then what do freedom fighters fight?
If first you don't succeed, suck and suck until you do succeed.
If work is so terrific, how come they have to pay you to do it?
It's an Honor to teach my Student at home
It's hard to stumble when you're on your knees.
It's not hard to meet expenses...they're everywhere!
It never fails! You start having fun, and they send in the lawyers.
Money is truthful. If a man speaks of his honour, make him pay cash.
Money isn't everything, but it sure keeps the kids in touch!
Money isn't everything. It simply isn't enough!
MONEY TALKS! But all mine ever says is GOODBYE!
Money wouldn't be so important if everybody didn't want some
My daughter turned down your honour student!
My job drives me to drink. If it wasn't for that, I'D QUIT!
My job is secure. No one else wants it.
My Job is to Comfort the Disturbed & Disturb the Comfortable
My parents think I'm in college
Never argue with an idiot, they drag you down to their level and beat you with experience.
Plunder globally. Manage media locally.
Professionals are predictable. Amateurs are Dangerous!
Question Authority before it Questions You!
Rest assured that all your hard work and effort will go unnoticed.
Sado-masochism means not having to say you're sorry.
Some days it's just not worth gnawing through the straps
Summa cum laude graduate, Darth Vader School of Personnel Management
Support a lawyer. Become a doctor.
Support bacteria! It's the only culture some people have.
The closest I ever got to a 4.0 in college was my blood alcohol content.
The urge to scream tells me I must be at work
Well behaved women rarely make history.
When all else fails, manipulate the data!
Where there's a whip, there's a way.
Work is for people who don't know how to fish.
Work is for people who don't know how to golf.
Work is for people who don't surf the net!
Worry is the darkroom in which negatives can develop.
You can't have everything. Where would you put it?

On Government & Politics:

A politician should do two terms - one in office and one in jail
A Woman's Place is in the House... and Senate!
An honest politician is one who, when he is bought, will stay bought.
Annoy a liberal. Work hard and smile.
Annoy a politician today. THINK!
Balance the budget. Declare politicians as game and sell hunting stamps.
Bomb Texas. They have oil!
Born free. Taxed to death!
Bush & Cheney - Kiss My Ashcroft !
Can you think on your own, or do you need the media to think for you?
Don't be stupid. We have politicians for that!
Don't Re-Elect a Son of A Bush!
Don't steal. The government hates competition!
Empty the prisons - Make room for Congress.
Fight organised crime. Abolish the IRS.
Fighting for Peace is like f*cking for virginity
Grow your own dope! Plant a politician!
I'm Too Poor to Vote Republican
I love my country, but I fear my government
If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?
If Democrats and Republicans could read they would be Libertarians.
If You're Not Outraged, You're Not Paying Attention
Inside every small problem is a big one trying to get government funding.
Is it too late to get the Russians to nuke Washington?
The trouble with political jokes is that they get elected.
Support Capitol Punishment, Flog a Politician Today!
Satan for President - Why pick the lesser of two Evils?
Re-elect Bush: I'm tired of waiting for the Apocalypse.
Put politicians in their place – Landfills!
Nothing political is correct.
Ignore your rights and they'll go away!

On Religion:

10,000 Roman Lions can't be wrong... Christians just taste better!
A lot of kneeling will keep you in good standing.
Agnostics can do anything if they have something to not believe in.
Al-Hajj: God's version of Lollapalooza.
All extremists should be shot.
All those who believe in psychokinesis raise my hand.
Allah gives and forgives, Man gets and forgets.
Allah Protect Me From Your Followers.
Answer my prayer -- steal this car.
Are you wrinkled with burden? Come to the church for a face-lift.
At Exxon, we help Jesus walk on water.
Atheism cures Religious terrorism.
Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.
Atheists are Beyond Belief
B.I.B.L.E.- Basic Instructions Before Leaving Earth.
BRAISE THE LORD: 450 degrees for 90 minutes. Add Veggies. Season to Taste.
Can't Make It To Church. Just Too Many Human Sacrifices To Perform. Sorry.
Can't stop now. On my way to hell.
Christians: can't live with them can't feed lions without them.
Coincidence is when God chooses to remain anonymous.
Don’t spank me with your Bible belt.
Eat a bible and pass the word
Everybody wants to go to heaven but nobody wants to die
Evolution is both fact and theory. Creationism is neither.
Evolutionists Do It With Increasing Complexity
Faith is a powerful thing. It often shuts off the rational mind
Faith Is Believing What You Know Ain't So. - Mark Twain
Faith isn't faith, until its all your holding on to
Fundamentalism stops a thinking mind
Get a taste of Religion. Bite a Minister
Hands that help are better than lips that pray.
Have I found Jesus? don't tell me he is lost again!
Having Abandoned My Search For Truth I Am Now Looking For A Good Fantasy
Fast during Ramadan; not while you're driving.
God created Man. And Man, being the gentleman he is, returned the favour.
God loves you! And I'm really trying.
Guilt, Fear, Mass Insanity -3 cheers for Christianity!
Heaven is a lonely place. Everybody thinks they're the only one going
Heaven won't take me and Hell is afraid I'll take over.
I don't need a new religion. I haven't used up the Old one.
I intend to live forever - so far, so good.
If Christ is the answer, what was the question?
If God didn't want people to have sex, They wouldn't have made it so much fun.
If love of money is the root of all evil, why do churches want it?
Ironic isn't it, that God gave the tortoise a drag factor of 0.03.
It's God's job to forgive Bin Laden. It's our job to arrange the meeting.
Jesus is my shepherd, Toto is my poodle.
Jesus is returning... resistance is futile
Jesus loves you, just not in that way.
Jesus paid for our sins. Now let’s get our money’s worth!
Jesus saves... But not on my salary!
Jesus saves; Buddha recycles.
Jesus to his followers upon his return: "You did WHAT in my name?!
Jesus, don't leave earth without him.
Life is short, pray hard
Lord give me patience... But Hurry!
Lord save me from your followers!
Make love - not jihad!
Marijuana ain't against my religion. People in the bible got stoned for everything.
Please be patient. God's not through with me yet
Profit from the Prophet!
The Big Bang theory: And God said 'Pulleth my Finger'
You can't love God unless God loves Himself.
Yes, I am an agent of Satan, but my duties are largely ceremonial.
Most people want to serve God, but only in an advisory capacity.

On Science:

2 + 2 = 5 for extremely large values of 2.
Absolute zero is Cool.
According to my calculations the problem doesn't exist.
Amateur Rocket Scientist: My other vehicle is in orbit.
Artificial Intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.
Celebrate Science & Humanity....Darwin Day!
Constipated mathematicians have to work it out with a pencil.
Gravity always gets me down.
If you're in a vehicle going the speed of light, what happens when you turn on the headlights?
Neutrinos have mass? I didn't even know they were Catholic!
Quantum Mechanics: The dreams stuff is made of.
If space is a vacuum, who changes the bag?

On People:

0 to bitch in 3.6 seconds.
100,000 sperm and You were the fastest?
500,000 battered women and I'm still eating mine plain!
667 Neighbour of the Beast.
90% of people are made by accident.
A fool and his money are a girl's best friend.
A man is not truly drunk until he can't lie on the floor without holding on.
A penny for your thoughts, a dollar if you flash me.
A synonym is a word you use if you can't spell the other one.
A wise man sometimes changes his mind, a fool never does.
All men are Animals, Some just make better Pets!
A woman with a big fat ass should dump him
And, whose cruel idea was it for the word "Lisp" to have a "S" in it?
Anyone who can see through a woman, is missing a lot!
Are you always an idiot, or just when I'm around?
Are you happy or are you married?
Anyone who goes to see a psychiatrist, ought to have his head examined.
Are you into casual sex, or should I dress up?
Are you stoned or just stupid?
Arsonists of the world, ignite!
Assassins do it from behind!
Athletes love to score!
Bad Cop!! No Do-nut!
Book lovers never go to bed alone!
Cleverly Disguised as a Responsible Adult.
Clones are people two.
Closet Extrovert.
Coffee, chocolate, men. Some things are just better rich.
Don't hate me because I'm beautiful, hate me because your boyfriend thinks so.
Dead people are cool.
Definition of a prostitute: Receiver of swollen goods.
Do Not Disturb... Occupant is disturbed enough already
Dyselxics have more fnu
Dysfunctional family on board.
Face it, girl, Prince Charming isn't coming. He's living with Mr. Right.
If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?
If men had periods, they'd brag about the size of their tampons.
If they can send a man to the moon why can't they send them all?
If women are from Venus, then why can't we send them back?
Incontinence Hot-line... Can you hold, please?
Keep grannies off the streets, support bingo.
Kids in the back seat cause accidents; Accidents in the back seat cause kids.
Make it idiot proof and someone will make a better idiot.
Marriage changes passion...suddenly you're in bed with a relative
Men. Give them an inch and they think they're a ruler.
Minds are like parachutes, they function when open
Normal people worry me
People are more passionately opposed to wearing fur than leather because it's safer to harass rich women than bikers.
Procrastinators Unite... Tomorrow!
So many men, so few who can afford me!
Support your local undertaker — drop dead.
The lottery is a tax for people who are bad at math.
The media are only as liberal as the conservative businesses that own them
To a Cat, People are just Furniture that does Tricks.
Untie Dexlysics!
You are depriving some poor village of its Idiot

On Life:

24 hours in a day. 24 beers in a case. Coincidence?
A closed mind doesn't need drugs. It's already wasted
A good day is when the shit hits the fan and I have time to duck.
A man is as old as the woman he feels.
Actions Speak Louder than Bumper-stickers.
All The Arms We Need Are For Hugging.
Always yield to temptation. It may never pass your way again.
An erection does not constitute personal growth.
Any book worth banning is a book worth reading.
Anyone can give up smoking, but it takes a real man to face cancer.
Avenge Yourself - Be a problem to your children.
Be wary of strong drink. It can make you shoot at tax collectors ... and miss.
Beauty is only a light switch away.
Been There - Shit Happened.
Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.
BEER: Helping the ugly get laid since... FOREVER!
Beer: Teaching white people to dance since 1867.
Better to understand a little than to misunderstand a lot
Blessed be the censors, for they shall truly inhibit the earth.
Blow your mind. Smoke gunpowder.
Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
Common sense isn't very common.
Control your destiny or someone else will.
Corduroy pillows: They're making headlines!
Dijon vu! - the same mustard as before.
Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
DIVORCE: The screwing you get for the screwing you got.
Always forgive your enemies. Nothing annoys them more!
Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?
Don't hate yourself in the morning... Sleep till noon!
Drugs cause amnesia...and other things I can't remember.
Early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese
Earth is the insane asylum for the universe.
Easier said than sung in Russian.
Energizer Bunny arrested, charged with battery.
Enlightenment is like a really good cheesecake but different.
Erotic is using a feather. Kinky is using the whole chicken.
Every time I find the meaning of life, they change it.
Feminism Is The Radical Idea That Women Are People.
Few women admit their age. Few men act theirs.
Get stoned - Drink liquid cement.
Flies spread disease. Keep yours zipped.
Forget the Joneses, I keep up with the Simpsons.
Growing old is inevitable. Growing up is optional.
He who angers you, controls you!
He who laughs last, thinks slowest!
I'm a drunk, not an alcoholic. Alcoholics have to go to meetings.
I'm a handy man, I'll screw anything.
I can resist anything but temptation.
I fart to make you smell better.
I feel like a new man. Do you have one I could use?
I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.
I just let my mind wander, and it didn't come back.
I like kids, but I can never finish a whole one.
I like your approach, let's see your departure
I live in my own little world, but it's OK they know me here.
I married my wife for her looks... But not the ones she's been giving me lately!
I said for better or for worse, not forever!
I saw a woman wearing a sweatshirt with 'Guess' on it. I said, Implants?
I'm not bald. It's a solar panel for a sex machine.
I still miss my wife, but my aim is improving!
I think therefore I'm dangerous
I think, therefore I'm single.
I think, therefore we have nothing in common.
I tried sniffing Coke once. The ice cubes got stuck in my nose.
I used to be a schizophrenic until they cured me, now I'm just lonely.
I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not sure.
I used to have an open mind but my brains kept falling out.
If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?
If I would like to hear from an ass-hole, I’d fart!
If ignorance is bliss, why aren't more people happy?
If it's too loud, you're too old.
If it's tourist season then why can't we shoot them?
If it isn't broken, fix it until it is
If marriage were outlawed, only outlaws would have in-laws.
If only closed minds, came with closed mouths
If reality wants to get in touch, it knows where I am.
If sex is a pain in the ass, then you're doing it WRONG!
If the world didn't suck, we'd all fall off!
If you're rich, I'm single!
If you ate pasta and anti-pasta, would you still be hungry?
If, a two letter word for futility.
Indecision is the key to flexibility.
Inflation is when the buck doesn't stop anywhere.
Insanity is hereditary - you get it from your children.
Instant idiot. Just add alcohol.
Is a castrated pig disgruntled?
Is reading in the bathroom considered Multi-Tasking?
It's a dog eat dog world... And I'm wearing milk-bone underwear!
It's easier to fight for ones principles than to live up to them.
Join the Army. Visit exotic places, meet interesting people, then kill them.
Just when you think life's a bitch, it has puppies.
Karmically challenged.
Life is just like a straw - it SUCKS.
Life is like a box of chocolates .. full of nuts!
Life is sexually transmitted.
Live fast, die young. Leave a good looking corpse.
Live like James Bond, die like James Dean.
Love is a 4-letter word.
Love is free. It's diapers that are expensive
Make love, not war; get married and do both!
Make the world a better place. Kill a bigot.
Men are proof that women can take a joke.
Men exist because cats won't mow the lawn. Women exist because sheep can't cook. Neither of these things explain children.
My girlfriend told me I needed to be more affectionate, so I got two more girlfriends.
My inferiority complex is not as good as yours
My Karma just ran over your Dogma.
My other car bumper sticker is funny.
My other wife is beautiful!
My reality check bounced!
My sexual preference is: Often
Never fight ugly people—they have nothing to loose.
Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.
Nobody's perfect. I'm a Nobody.
OK, who stopped the payment on my reality check?
Old skiers never die — They just go downhill.
Piercing, schmiercing: I'm holding out for amputation.
Pissing off the world one person at a time
Please tell your pants it's not polite to point.
Pride is what we have. Vanity is what others have.
Quoting one is plagiarism. Quoting many is research.
Reality bites, and I have the teeth marks to prove it!
Reality is a crutch for people who can't handle drugs.
Reality is an illusion caused by the lack of alcohol.
Save Your Breath. You'll need it to blow up your date!
Sex is a killer. Want to die happy?
Sex is like pizza. When it's good, it's really good. When it's bad, it's still pretty good!
Sex on television can't hurt you, unless you fall off.
Snowmen fall from Heaven unassembled.
Some days you're the Dog, and some days you're the Hydrant!
Study art and logic. Learn to draw your own conclusions!
Talk is Cheap, until you hire a lawyer.
Teach. Don’t Preach.
That which does not kill me pisses me off.
The best things in life aren't things.
The best way to get on your feet is to get off your ass!
The Cat Philosophy of Life: If you can't Eat it or Shred it, then Sleep on it.
The kids drive me crazy. I drive them everywhere!
The male sex drive prevents extinction. The female sex drive prevents overpopulation.
The more you complain, the longer God makes you live.
The most precious thing we have is life. Yet it has absolutely no trade-in value.
The sex was so good that even the neighbours had a cigarette.
The truth is out there. Trust no one. Deny everything.
There's too much blood in my alcohol system.
Time flies when you don't know what you're doing.
Warning! I know KARATE!! (and seven other Chinese words)
Wars are not fought to decide who is right.. Only who is left.
Why are hemorrhoids called "hemorrhoids" instead of "asteroids"?
You're pro-life? That's fine. Now get one and stay out of mine!
You are only young once, but you can stay immature indefinitely.
Zero to naked in 5.1 beers.

On Computers:

Back up my hard drive? How do I put it in reverse?
C:Coffee.exe NOT FOUND <A>bort, <R>etry, <B>rew another pot?
Computer Literacy? You mean my computer is supposed to be able to read?
Computers are like the Old Testament God. Lots of rules and no mercy.
Computers are vehicles for the mind. They drive you crazy!
Computers aren't intelligent. They just think they are.
Computers help us to do stupid things faster!
Failure is not an option. It comes bundled with the software.
I Don't Do Windows.
Get a life? I'm a gamer! I have lots of lives!
Had a life. Traded it for a faster modem.
I Haven't Lost My Mind, It's Backed Up On Disk Somewhere.
I think your hard drive has a slipped disk.
My computer goes down on anybody.
Remember when Windows were washed, mice were trapped, and UNIX guarded the harem?
Techno-Pagan. I worship the holy Mother Board.
The computer revolution is over: The computers won!
To err is human. To really screw up, you need a computer
We are Microsoft. Resistance is Futile. You will be Assimilated.
Only Jesus saves - we just make back-ups.

On Cars & Driving:

Are you as close to Jesus as you are to my bumper?
As a matter of fact, I do own the road.
Back off! I'm not that kind of car.
Believe in life after death? Mess with my car and you'll find out.
Boldly going Nowhere!
Car service: If it ain't broke, we'll break it!
CAUTION! - Driver just doesn't give a shit anymore!
CAUTION! - I brake for hookers
CAUTION! - I brake for tailgaters
CAUTION! - I drive just like you!
Clear the road, I am SIXTEEN!
Don't follow me. I'm lost too.
Don't like my driving? Then QUIT watching me.
Drive carefully, we need every taxpayer we can get.
Drive defensively. Buy a tank.
Drive it like you stole it!
Driver carries only $20 in Ammunition!
Follow your dreams, not me.
How do they get the deer to cross at that yellow road sign?
I'm looking for the right pedestrian to run over.
I may be slow but I'm ahead of you!
If a woman wants to learn to drive, don't stand in her way.
If ass-holes could fly, this place would be an airport
If everything is coming your way, you’re in the wrong lane!
If God is your Copilot - swap seats!
If it has boobs or wheels it will give you a problem.
If it has tires or testicles, it's going to be trouble.
It's bad enough driving sober. Don't drive drunk
It's time to pull over and change the air in your head!
Objects in mirror may have flunked driver education
Please do not honk. Driver trying to sleep.
Speed kills. Drive a Chevy and live forever!
This car is designed by computer, built by a robot, driven by a moron.

On Animals & the Environment:

Boycott shampoo! Demand the real poo!
Cats are children that you don't have to send to college.
Cats are dogs with a college education.
Cats don't want to own people. They prefer to lease with an option.
Cats humour us because they know that their ancestors ate ours.
Cats keep their claws sharp because they know that just a purr may not be enough.
Cats make great pets -- out of their owners
Cats make more sense than men
Cats make more sense than women
Dogs are like children that you don't have to send to college
Dogs think men are gods. Cats are not so easily deluded.
Eat a beaver. Save a tree.
Eat beans, not beings
Ground Beef: A Cow With No Legs!
I LIKE CATS! They taste just like chicken.
I love defenceless animals, especially in gravy
Laughing stock: cattle with a sense of humour.
My cat dislikes the term PET. It prefers FRIEND AND CONFIDANTE.
Save a cow. Eat a vegetarian.
Save the planet! Kill yourself!
Strip mining prevents forest fires.
Support wildlife, throw a party!

On Health & Fitness:

Eat one live toad the first thing in the morning and nothing worse will happen to you the rest of the day
Eat Right, Exercise, Die Anyway.
Fat people are harder to kidnap.
Good health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.
I AM in shape. Round is a shape.
I get enough exercise just pushing my luck.
I hate plants.. That's why I became a vegetarian!
I have a nice body, and its in my trunk.
I may be fat but you’re ugly, and I can lose weight.
If carrots are so good for the eyes, how come I see so many dead rabbits on the highway?
If it isn't fattening, it isn't food!
If it tastes good, it's probably not kosher.
If walking is so good for you, then why does my mailman look like Jabba the Hut?
Red meat isn't bad for you. Fuzzy green meat is!
Safe sex is in the palm of your hand
Smoking Cures Ham!

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