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May 14, 2006

Life Observations in a nutshell: Best Bumper Stickers Part II

One of the most popular posts of this blog was my definitive list of favourite bumper stickers I did a while ago See Post. Since then I have come across some more treasures, many submitted by your good selves, dear readers. So thank you to all who have commented and sent me emails – here's to you all: part II of best bumper stickers:

On career and success:

  • A bad day of fishing beats a good day of working.
  • A bad day of golf beats a good day of working.
  • A boss is like a diaper. Always on your ass and constantly full of crap.
  • A cubicle is just a padded cell without a door.
  • A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.
  • A sense of humour is the difference between ambition and achievement.
  • Advice is free: The right answer will cost plenty.
  • All I need is some peace and quiet. If I got a piece I'd be quiet!
  • All stressed out and no one to choke.
  • Always put the important before the merely urgent.
  • Always remember you're unique. Just like everyone else.
  • Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy.
  • An expert is a person who has made all the mistakes which can be made in a very narrow field.
  • An expert is one who knows more and more about less and less.
  • Another Deadline, Another Miracle!
  • Behind every successful woman is herself.
  • Crime wouldn't pay if the government ran it.
  • Diplomacy is the art of letting someone else get your way.
  • Even if you are on the right track, you'll get run over if you just sit there.
  • Even Jesus lived with his mother until he was 30.
  • Everyone is entitled to my opinion
  • Everyone makes mistakes, that why pencil have erasers
  • Everything I know, I learnt by killing smart people and eating their brains.
  • Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
  • Hire teenagers while they still know everything!
  • Honesty pays, but not enough
  • Housework is evil, it must be stopped.
  • I'll do anything for money, except work.
  • I fight poverty, I work
  • I have a drink problem - I can't afford it.
  • I have yet to hear a MAN ask for advice on how to combine marriage and career.
  • I love my boss, I love my job, I'm self employed
  • I owe it all to my boss - Ulcers, nausea, paranoia...
  • I respect your opinion. Just don't want to hear it!
  • I won't rise to the occasion, but I'll slide over to it.
  • If all else fails .. lower your standards
  • If at first you do succeed, try not to look astonished.
  • If at first you don't succeed, aim lower.
  • If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
  • If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving is not for you
  • If crime fighters fight crime, and fire fighters fight fire, then what do freedom fighters fight?
  • If first you don't succeed, suck and suck until you do succeed.
  • If work is so terrific, how come they have to pay you to do it?
  • It's an Honor to teach my Student at home
  • It's hard to stumble when you're on your knees.
  • It's not hard to meet expenses...they're everywhere!
  • It never fails! You start having fun, and they send in the lawyers.
  • Money is truthful. If a man speaks of his honour, make him pay cash.
  • Money isn't everything, but it sure keeps the kids in touch!
  • Money isn't everything. It simply isn't enough!
  • MONEY TALKS! But all mine ever says is GOODBYE!
  • Money wouldn't be so important if everybody didn't want some
  • My daughter turned down your honour student!
  • My job drives me to drink. If it wasn't for that, I'D QUIT!
  • My job is secure. No one else wants it.
  • My Job is to Comfort the Disturbed & Disturb the Comfortable
  • My parents think I'm in college
  • Never argue with an idiot, they drag you down to their level and beat you with experience.
  • Plunder globally. Manage media locally.
  • Professionals are predictable. Amateurs are Dangerous!
  • Question Authority before it Questions You!
  • Rest assured that all your hard work and effort will go unnoticed.
  • Sado-masochism means not having to say you're sorry.
  • Some days it's just not worth gnawing through the straps
  • Summa cum laude graduate, Darth Vader School of Personnel Management
  • Support a lawyer. Become a doctor.
  • Support bacteria! It's the only culture some people have.
  • The closest I ever got to a 4.0 in college was my blood alcohol content.
  • The urge to scream tells me I must be at work
  • Well behaved women rarely make history.
  • When all else fails, manipulate the data!
  • Where there's a whip, there's a way.
  • Work is for people who don't know how to fish.
  • Work is for people who don't know how to golf.
  • Work is for people who don't surf the net!
  • Worry is the darkroom in which negatives can develop.
  • You can't have everything. Where would you put it?

On Government & Politics:

  • A politician should do two terms - one in office and one in jail
  • A Woman's Place is in the House... and Senate!
  • An honest politician is one who, when he is bought, will stay bought.
  • Annoy a liberal. Work hard and smile.
  • Annoy a politician today. THINK!
  • Balance the budget. Declare politicians as game and sell hunting stamps.
  • Bomb Texas. They have oil!
  • Born free. Taxed to death!
  • Bush & Cheney - Kiss My Ashcroft !
  • Can you think on your own, or do you need the media to think for you?
  • Don't be stupid. We have politicians for that!
  • Don't Re-Elect a Son of A Bush!
  • Don't steal. The government hates competition!
  • Empty the prisons - Make room for Congress.
  • Fight organised crime. Abolish the IRS.
  • Fighting for Peace is like f*cking for virginity
  • Grow your own dope! Plant a politician!
  • I'm Too Poor to Vote Republican
  • I love my country, but I fear my government
  • If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?
  • If Democrats and Republicans could read they would be Libertarians.
  • If You're Not Outraged, You're Not Paying Attention
  • Inside every small problem is a big one trying to get government funding.
  • Is it too late to get the Russians to nuke Washington?
  • The trouble with political jokes is that they get elected.
  • Support Capitol Punishment, Flog a Politician Today!
  • Satan for President - Why pick the lesser of two Evils?
  • Re-elect Bush: I'm tired of waiting for the Apocalypse.
  • Put politicians in their place – Landfills!
  • Nothing political is correct.
  • Ignore your rights and they'll go away!

On Religion:

  • 10,000 Roman Lions can't be wrong... Christians just taste better!
  • A lot of kneeling will keep you in good standing.
  • Agnostics can do anything if they have something to not believe in.
  • Al-Hajj: God's version of Lollapalooza.
  • All extremists should be shot.
  • All those who believe in psychokinesis raise my hand.
  • Allah gives and forgives, Man gets and forgets.
  • Allah Protect Me From Your Followers.
  • Answer my prayer -- steal this car.
  • Are you wrinkled with burden? Come to the church for a face-lift.
  • At Exxon, we help Jesus walk on water.
  • Atheism cures Religious terrorism.
  • Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.
  • Atheists are Beyond Belief
  • B.I.B.L.E.- Basic Instructions Before Leaving Earth.
  • BRAISE THE LORD: 450 degrees for 90 minutes. Add Veggies. Season to Taste.
  • Can't Make It To Church. Just Too Many Human Sacrifices To Perform. Sorry.
  • Can't stop now. On my way to hell.
  • Christians: can't live with them can't feed lions without them.
  • Coincidence is when God chooses to remain anonymous.
  • Don’t spank me with your Bible belt.
  • Eat a bible and pass the word
  • Everybody wants to go to heaven but nobody wants to die
  • Evolution is both fact and theory. Creationism is neither.
  • Evolutionists Do It With Increasing Complexity
  • Faith is a powerful thing. It often shuts off the rational mind
  • Faith Is Believing What You Know Ain't So. - Mark Twain
  • Faith isn't faith, until its all your holding on to
  • Fundamentalism stops a thinking mind
  • Get a taste of Religion. Bite a Minister
  • Hands that help are better than lips that pray.
  • Have I found Jesus? don't tell me he is lost again!
  • Having Abandoned My Search For Truth I Am Now Looking For A Good Fantasy
  • Fast during Ramadan; not while you're driving.
  • God created Man. And Man, being the gentleman he is, returned the favour.
  • God loves you! And I'm really trying.
  • Guilt, Fear, Mass Insanity -3 cheers for Christianity!
  • Heaven is a lonely place. Everybody thinks they're the only one going
  • Heaven won't take me and Hell is afraid I'll take over.
  • I don't need a new religion. I haven't used up the Old one.
  • I intend to live forever - so far, so good.
  • If Christ is the answer, what was the question?
  • If God didn't want people to have sex, They wouldn't have made it so much fun.
  • If love of money is the root of all evil, why do churches want it?
  • Ironic isn't it, that God gave the tortoise a drag factor of 0.03.
  • It's God's job to forgive Bin Laden. It's our job to arrange the meeting.
  • Jesus is my shepherd, Toto is my poodle.
  • Jesus is returning... resistance is futile
  • Jesus loves you, just not in that way.
  • Jesus paid for our sins. Now let’s get our money’s worth!
  • Jesus saves... But not on my salary!
  • Jesus saves; Buddha recycles.
  • Jesus to his followers upon his return: "You did WHAT in my name?!
  • Jesus, don't leave earth without him.
  • Life is short, pray hard
  • Lord give me patience... But Hurry!
  • Lord save me from your followers!
  • Make love - not jihad!
  • Marijuana ain't against my religion. People in the bible got stoned for everything.
  • Please be patient. God's not through with me yet
  • Profit from the Prophet!
  • The Big Bang theory: And God said 'Pulleth my Finger'
  • You can't love God unless God loves Himself.
  • Yes, I am an agent of Satan, but my duties are largely ceremonial.
  • Most people want to serve God, but only in an advisory capacity.


On Science:

  • 2 + 2 = 5 for extremely large values of 2.
  • Absolute zero is Cool.
  • According to my calculations the problem doesn't exist.
  • Amateur Rocket Scientist: My other vehicle is in orbit.
  • Artificial Intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.
  • Celebrate Science & Humanity....Darwin Day!
  • Constipated mathematicians have to work it out with a pencil.
  • Gravity always gets me down.
  • If you're in a vehicle going the speed of light, what happens when you turn on the headlights?
  • Neutrinos have mass? I didn't even know they were Catholic!
  • Quantum Mechanics: The dreams stuff is made of.
  • If space is a vacuum, who changes the bag?

 

On People:

  • 0 to bitch in 3.6 seconds.
  • 100,000 sperm and You were the fastest?
  • 500,000 battered women and I'm still eating mine plain!
  • 667 Neighbour of the Beast.
  • 90% of people are made by accident.
  • A fool and his money are a girl's best friend.
  • A man is not truly drunk until he can't lie on the floor without holding on.
  • A penny for your thoughts, a dollar if you flash me.
  • A synonym is a word you use if you can't spell the other one.
  • A wise man sometimes changes his mind, a fool never does.
  • All men are Animals, Some just make better Pets!
  • A woman with a big fat ass should dump him
  • And, whose cruel idea was it for the word "Lisp" to have a "S" in it?
  • Anyone who can see through a woman, is missing a lot!
  • Are you always an idiot, or just when I'm around?
  • Are you happy or are you married?
  • Anyone who goes to see a psychiatrist, ought to have his head examined.
  • Are you into casual sex, or should I dress up?
  • Are you stoned or just stupid?
  • Arsonists of the world, ignite!
  • Assassins do it from behind!
  • Athletes love to score!
  • Bad Cop!! No Do-nut!
  • Book lovers never go to bed alone!
  • Cleverly Disguised as a Responsible Adult.
  • Clones are people two.
  • Closet Extrovert.
  • Coffee, chocolate, men. Some things are just better rich.
  • Don't hate me because I'm beautiful, hate me because your boyfriend thinks so.
  • Dead people are cool.
  • Definition of a prostitute: Receiver of swollen goods.
  • Do Not Disturb... Occupant is disturbed enough already
  • Dyselxics have more fnu
  • Dysfunctional family on board.
  • Face it, girl, Prince Charming isn't coming. He's living with Mr. Right.
  • If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?
  • If men had periods, they'd brag about the size of their tampons.
  • If they can send a man to the moon why can't they send them all?
  • If women are from Venus, then why can't we send them back?
  • Incontinence Hot-line... Can you hold, please?
  • Keep grannies off the streets, support bingo.
  • Kids in the back seat cause accidents; Accidents in the back seat cause kids.
  • Make it idiot proof and someone will make a better idiot.
  • Marriage changes passion...suddenly you're in bed with a relative
  • Men. Give them an inch and they think they're a ruler.
  • Minds are like parachutes, they function when open
  • Normal people worry me
  • People are more passionately opposed to wearing fur than leather because it's safer to harass rich women than bikers.
  • Procrastinators Unite... Tomorrow!
  • So many men, so few who can afford me!
  • Support your local undertaker — drop dead.
  • The lottery is a tax for people who are bad at math.
  • The media are only as liberal as the conservative businesses that own them
  • To a Cat, People are just Furniture that does Tricks.
  • Untie Dexlysics!
  • You are depriving some poor village of its Idiot

On Life:

  • 24 hours in a day. 24 beers in a case. Coincidence?
  • A closed mind doesn't need drugs. It's already wasted
  • A good day is when the shit hits the fan and I have time to duck.
  • A man is as old as the woman he feels.
  • Actions Speak Louder than Bumper-stickers.
  • All The Arms We Need Are For Hugging.
  • Always yield to temptation. It may never pass your way again.
  • An erection does not constitute personal growth.
  • Any book worth banning is a book worth reading.
  • Anyone can give up smoking, but it takes a real man to face cancer.
  • Avenge Yourself - Be a problem to your children.
  • Be wary of strong drink. It can make you shoot at tax collectors ... and miss.
  • Beauty is only a light switch away.
  • Been There - Shit Happened.
  • Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.
  • BEER: Helping the ugly get laid since... FOREVER!
  • Beer: Teaching white people to dance since 1867.
  • Better to understand a little than to misunderstand a lot
  • Blessed be the censors, for they shall truly inhibit the earth.
  • Blow your mind. Smoke gunpowder.
  • Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
  • Common sense isn't very common.
  • Control your destiny or someone else will.
  • Corduroy pillows: They're making headlines!
  • Dijon vu! - the same mustard as before.
  • Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
  • DIVORCE: The screwing you get for the screwing you got.
  • Always forgive your enemies. Nothing annoys them more!
  • Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?
  • Don't hate yourself in the morning... Sleep till noon!
  • Drugs cause amnesia...and other things I can't remember.
  • Early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese
  • Earth is the insane asylum for the universe.
  • Easier said than sung in Russian.
  • Energizer Bunny arrested, charged with battery.
  • Enlightenment is like a really good cheesecake but different.
  • Erotic is using a feather. Kinky is using the whole chicken.
  • Every time I find the meaning of life, they change it.
  • Feminism Is The Radical Idea That Women Are People.
  • Few women admit their age. Few men act theirs.
  • Get stoned - Drink liquid cement.
  • Flies spread disease. Keep yours zipped.
  • Forget the Joneses, I keep up with the Simpsons.
  • Growing old is inevitable. Growing up is optional.
  • He who angers you, controls you!
  • He who laughs last, thinks slowest!
  • I'm a drunk, not an alcoholic. Alcoholics have to go to meetings.
  • I'm a handy man, I'll screw anything.
  • I can resist anything but temptation.
  • I fart to make you smell better.
  • I feel like a new man. Do you have one I could use?
  • I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.
  • I just let my mind wander, and it didn't come back.
  • I like kids, but I can never finish a whole one.
  • I like your approach, let's see your departure
  • I live in my own little world, but it's OK they know me here.
  • I married my wife for her looks... But not the ones she's been giving me lately!
  • I said for better or for worse, not forever!
  • I saw a woman wearing a sweatshirt with 'Guess' on it. I said, Implants?
  • I'm not bald. It's a solar panel for a sex machine.
  • I still miss my wife, but my aim is improving!
  • I think therefore I'm dangerous
  • I think, therefore I'm single.
  • I think, therefore we have nothing in common.
  • I tried sniffing Coke once. The ice cubes got stuck in my nose.
  • I used to be a schizophrenic until they cured me, now I'm just lonely.
  • I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not sure.
  • I used to have an open mind but my brains kept falling out.
  • If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?
  • If I would like to hear from an ass-hole, I’d fart!
  • If ignorance is bliss, why aren't more people happy?
  • If it's too loud, you're too old.
  • If it's tourist season then why can't we shoot them?
  • If it isn't broken, fix it until it is
  • If marriage were outlawed, only outlaws would have in-laws.
  • If only closed minds, came with closed mouths
  • If reality wants to get in touch, it knows where I am.
  • If sex is a pain in the ass, then you're doing it WRONG!
  • If the world didn't suck, we'd all fall off!
  • If you're rich, I'm single!
  • If you ate pasta and anti-pasta, would you still be hungry?
  • If, a two letter word for futility.
  • Indecision is the key to flexibility.
  • Inflation is when the buck doesn't stop anywhere.
  • Insanity is hereditary - you get it from your children.
  • Instant idiot. Just add alcohol.
  • Is a castrated pig disgruntled?
  • Is reading in the bathroom considered Multi-Tasking?
  • It's a dog eat dog world... And I'm wearing milk-bone underwear!
  • It's easier to fight for ones principles than to live up to them.
  • Join the Army. Visit exotic places, meet interesting people, then kill them.
  • Just when you think life's a bitch, it has puppies.
  • Karmically challenged.
  • Life is just like a straw - it SUCKS.
  • Life is like a box of chocolates .. full of nuts!
  • Life is sexually transmitted.
  • Live fast, die young. Leave a good looking corpse.
  • Live like James Bond, die like James Dean.
  • Love is a 4-letter word.
  • Love is free. It's diapers that are expensive
  • Make love, not war; get married and do both!
  • Make the world a better place. Kill a bigot.
  • Men are proof that women can take a joke.
  • Men exist because cats won't mow the lawn. Women exist because sheep can't cook. Neither of these things explain children.
  • My girlfriend told me I needed to be more affectionate, so I got two more girlfriends.
  • My inferiority complex is not as good as yours
  • My Karma just ran over your Dogma.
  • My other car bumper sticker is funny.
  • My other wife is beautiful!
  • My reality check bounced!
  • My sexual preference is: Often
  • Never fight ugly people—they have nothing to loose.
  • Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.
  • Nobody's perfect. I'm a Nobody.
  • OK, who stopped the payment on my reality check?
  • Old skiers never die — They just go downhill.
  • Piercing, schmiercing: I'm holding out for amputation.
  • Pissing off the world one person at a time
  • Please tell your pants it's not polite to point.
  • Pride is what we have. Vanity is what others have.
  • Quoting one is plagiarism. Quoting many is research.
  • Reality bites, and I have the teeth marks to prove it!
  • Reality is a crutch for people who can't handle drugs.
  • Reality is an illusion caused by the lack of alcohol.
  • Save Your Breath. You'll need it to blow up your date!
  • Sex is a killer. Want to die happy?
  • Sex is like pizza. When it's good, it's really good. When it's bad, it's still pretty good!
  • Sex on television can't hurt you, unless you fall off.
  • Snowmen fall from Heaven unassembled.
  • Some days you're the Dog, and some days you're the Hydrant!
  • Study art and logic. Learn to draw your own conclusions!
  • Talk is Cheap, until you hire a lawyer.
  • Teach. Don’t Preach.
  • That which does not kill me pisses me off.
  • The best things in life aren't things.
  • The best way to get on your feet is to get off your ass!
  • The Cat Philosophy of Life: If you can't Eat it or Shred it, then Sleep on it.
  • The kids drive me crazy. I drive them everywhere!
  • The male sex drive prevents extinction. The female sex drive prevents overpopulation.
  • The more you complain, the longer God makes you live.
  • The most precious thing we have is life. Yet it has absolutely no trade-in value.
  • The sex was so good that even the neighbours had a cigarette.
  • The truth is out there. Trust no one. Deny everything.
  • There's too much blood in my alcohol system.
  • Time flies when you don't know what you're doing.
  • Warning! I know KARATE!! (and seven other Chinese words)
  • Wars are not fought to decide who is right.. Only who is left.
  • Why are hemorrhoids called "hemorrhoids" instead of "asteroids"?
  • You're pro-life? That's fine. Now get one and stay out of mine!
  • You are only young once, but you can stay immature indefinitely.
  • Zero to naked in 5.1 beers.

On Computers:

  • Back up my hard drive? How do I put it in reverse?
  • C:Coffee.exe NOT FOUND <A>bort, <R>etry, <B>rew another pot?
  • Computer Literacy? You mean my computer is supposed to be able to read?
  • Computers are like the Old Testament God. Lots of rules and no mercy.
  • Computers are vehicles for the mind. They drive you crazy!
  • Computers aren't intelligent. They just think they are.
  • Computers help us to do stupid things faster!
  • Failure is not an option. It comes bundled with the software.
  • I Don't Do Windows.
  • Get a life? I'm a gamer! I have lots of lives!
  • Had a life. Traded it for a faster modem.
  • I Haven't Lost My Mind, It's Backed Up On Disk Somewhere.
  • I think your hard drive has a slipped disk.
  • My computer goes down on anybody.
  • Remember when Windows were washed, mice were trapped, and UNIX guarded the harem?
  • Techno-Pagan. I worship the holy Mother Board.
  • The computer revolution is over: The computers won!
  • To err is human. To really screw up, you need a computer
  • We are Microsoft. Resistance is Futile. You will be Assimilated.
  • Only Jesus saves - we just make back-ups.

 

On Cars & Driving:

  • Are you as close to Jesus as you are to my bumper?
  • As a matter of fact, I do own the road.
  • Back off! I'm not that kind of car.
  • Believe in life after death? Mess with my car and you'll find out.
  • Boldly going Nowhere!
  • Car service: If it ain't broke, we'll break it!
  • CAUTION! - Driver just doesn't give a shit anymore!
  • CAUTION! - I brake for hookers
  • CAUTION! - I brake for tailgaters
  • CAUTION! - I drive just like you!
  • Clear the road, I am SIXTEEN!
  • Don't follow me. I'm lost too.
  • Don't like my driving? Then QUIT watching me.
  • Drive carefully, we need every taxpayer we can get.
  • Drive defensively. Buy a tank.
  • Drive it like you stole it!
  • Driver carries only $20 in Ammunition!
  • Follow your dreams, not me.
  • How do they get the deer to cross at that yellow road sign?
  • I'm looking for the right pedestrian to run over.
  • I may be slow but I'm ahead of you!
  • If a woman wants to learn to drive, don't stand in her way.
  • If ass-holes could fly, this place would be an airport
  • If everything is coming your way, you’re in the wrong lane!
  • If God is your Copilot - swap seats!
  • If it has boobs or wheels it will give you a problem.
  • If it has tires or testicles, it's going to be trouble.
  • It's bad enough driving sober. Don't drive drunk
  • It's time to pull over and change the air in your head!
  • Objects in mirror may have flunked driver education
  • Please do not honk. Driver trying to sleep.
  • Speed kills. Drive a Chevy and live forever!
  • This car is designed by computer, built by a robot, driven by a moron.

On Animals & the Environment:

  • Boycott shampoo! Demand the real poo!
  • Cats are children that you don't have to send to college.
  • Cats are dogs with a college education.
  • Cats don't want to own people. They prefer to lease with an option.
  • Cats humour us because they know that their ancestors ate ours.
  • Cats keep their claws sharp because they know that just a purr may not be enough.
  • Cats make great pets -- out of their owners
  • Cats make more sense than men
  • Cats make more sense than women
  • Dogs are like children that you don't have to send to college
  • Dogs think men are gods. Cats are not so easily deluded.
  • Eat a beaver. Save a tree.
  • Eat beans, not beings
  • Ground Beef: A Cow With No Legs!
  • I LIKE CATS! They taste just like chicken.
  • I love defenceless animals, especially in gravy
  • Laughing stock: cattle with a sense of humour.
  • My cat dislikes the term PET. It prefers FRIEND AND CONFIDANTE.
  • Save a cow. Eat a vegetarian.
  • Save the planet! Kill yourself!
  • Strip mining prevents forest fires.
  • Support wildlife, throw a party!

 

On Health & Fitness:

  • Eat one live toad the first thing in the morning and nothing worse will happen to you the rest of the day
  • Eat Right, Exercise, Die Anyway.
  • Fat people are harder to kidnap.
  • Good health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.
  • I AM in shape. Round is a shape.
  • I get enough exercise just pushing my luck.
  • I hate plants.. That's why I became a vegetarian!
  • I have a nice body, and its in my trunk.
  • I may be fat but you’re ugly, and I can lose weight.
  • If carrots are so good for the eyes, how come I see so many dead rabbits on the highway?
  • If it isn't fattening, it isn't food!
  • If it tastes good, it's probably not kosher.
  • If walking is so good for you, then why does my mailman look like Jabba the Hut?
  • Red meat isn't bad for you. Fuzzy green meat is!
  • Safe sex is in the palm of your hand
  • Smoking Cures Ham!

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Life is Like a Dog Competition... The Best Looking Ones are Normally Bitches!

Quite an enjoyable list! I had to sift through tons of those one-liners as we were looking for quotes to use for our World Cup site. You certainly picked the better ones;-)
Thanks for sharing!!!

God WAS my copilot - I had to eat him when our plane crashed.

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    • NB.
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