Worst Analogies Ever

Below are a collection of my personal favourites in the category: worst analogies ever. Analogies can be useful in describing how something appears, feels, looks like or generally is perceived - but then again our experiences are very personal so what can appear as a perfectly good analogy to one person is a subject of much laughter to someone else. Say no more, you make your minds up:

He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole

The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn't.

McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty Bag filled with vegetable soup.

From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an eerie, surreal quality, like when you're on vacation in another city and "Jeopardy" comes on at 7pm instead of 7:30.

Her hair glistened in the rain like nose hair after a sneeze.

Bob was as perplexed as a hacker who means to access T:\flw.quid55328.com\aaakk/ch@ung but gets T:\flw.quidaaak/ch@ng by mistake.

Her date was pleasant enough, but she knew that if her life was a movie this guy would be buried in the credits as something like "Second Tall Man.

Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left Cleveland at 6:36pm travelling at 55 mph, the other from Topeka at 4:19pm at a speed of 35 mph.

The politician was gone but unnoticed, like the period after the Dr. on a Dr. Pepper can.

His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like underpants in a drier without "Cling-Free."

Apparently the above are winning entries in a high-school contest...? Where is education coming to..? Link

Comments

[KlausinLA]

This list of weird analogies is far from being complete. I fear that our language is going to deteriorate even more.
Children read less and less. They make up their own words and phrases since their toolbox is so empty.
More and more non-English natives (including me) get their hands on the English language and translate metaphors from their mother languages into English - leaving their audience puzzled.
Rap has started a trend for everyone to be creative. With results that leave room for improvement...