Life Observations in a nutshell: Best bumper stickers

Sometimes it really is that simple: key realisations about life, the universe and everything can be summarised in a poignant bumper sticker. Here are a list of my personal favourites:

On career and success:

• Keep on working, millions on welfare depend on you!
• I didn't climb to the top of the food chain to become a vegetarian!
• Excess is never too much in moderation.
• Lawyers have feelings too (allegedly).
• Knowledge is power, and power corrupts. So study hard and be evil.
• To err is human, to blame it on somebody else shows management potential.
• Women who seek to be equal with men lack ambition.
• I'm going to graduate on time, no matter how long it takes.
• Anything not worth doing is not worth doing well.
• Errors have been made. Others will be blamed.
• Warning: Dates on calendar are closer than they appear.
• Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off now.
• I R S: We've got what it takes to take what you've got.
• Where there's a will, I want to be in it.
• It's lonely at the top, but you eat better.
• All I ask is the chance to prove that money can't make me happy.

    
On Politics:

• Frodo failed. George Bush has the ring.
• If you can read this, you're not the president.
• The last time politics and religion were mixed, people were burned at the stake.
• Vote Democrat — it's easier than working!
• Vote Republican — it's easier than thinking!
• In America, anyone can be president. That's one of the risks you take.
• Sure you can trust the government! Just ask a native American!
• Stop repeat offenders. Don't re-elect them!

On Religion:

• If God is within, I hope he likes enchiladas!
• Jesus saves. He uses double coupons.
• Jesus loves you. But I'm his favorite.
• The meek shall inherit the earth, after we're through with it.
• Jesus loves you! Everybody else thinks you're a jerk.
• I found Jesus - he was behind the sofa all the time.
• Thank God I'm an atheist.
• The more you complain the longer God makes you live.
• As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in public schools.
• If going to church makes you a Christian, does going into a garage make you a car?

On Science:

• The generation of random numbers is too important to leave to chance.
• If it ain't broke, take it apart and fix it.
• Resistance is futile (if < 1 ohm).
• Does anal retentive have a hyphen?
• Quoting one is plagiarism. Quoting many is research.
• Gravity: It's not just a good idea. It's the law.
• Alcohol and calculus don't mix. DON'T DRINK AND DERIVE!
• Never believe generalisations.
• There are 10 types of people in the world. Those who understand binary, and  those who don't.

   
On People:

• So many stupid people, and so few asteroids.
• Therapy is expensive. Popping bubble wrap is cheap. You choose.
• Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?
• The trouble with the gene pool is that there's no lifeguard.
• You say I'm a bitch like it's a bad thing.
• Nice perfume. Must you marinate in it?
• Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed.
• Is it time for your medication or mine?
• I used to be schizophrenic, but we're OK now.
• First National Bank of Dad; Sorry, closed.
• My mother is a travel agent for guilt trips.
• Your kid may be an Honor Student, but YOU'RE still an idiot.
• Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.
• Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
• Never miss a good opportunity to shut up.
• Karaoke bars combine two of the nation's greatest evils — people who shouldn't   drink with people who shouldn't sing.
• Dyslexics are teople poo.
• People like you are the reason people like me need medication.
• God made us sisters; Prozac made us friends.

    
On Philosophy:

• I don't think, therefore I am not.
• Don't believe everything you think.
• What would Gandalf do?
• I doubt, therefore I might be.
• I fish, therefore I lie.
• Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.

    
On Life:

• Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most.
• I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.
• Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again.
• Being "over the hill" is much better than being under it!
• Wrinkled was not one of the things I wanted to be when I grew up.
• Don't make me mad. I'm running out of places to hide the bodies.
• On the journey of life, I choose the psycho path.
• Carpe Diem = Seize the day. Carp In Denim = Fish in pants.
• Veni, Vidi, Velcro. I came, I saw, I got stuck.
• Visualize Whirled Peas
• Practice safe lunch: Use a condiment.
• Frankly, Scallop, I don't give a clam.
• A journey of a thousand miles begins with a cash advance.
• The trouble with life is there's no background music.
• Well, this day was a total waste of makeup.
• I'm not crazy, I've just been in a very bad mood for 30 years.
• Allow me to introduce my selves.
• Sarcasm is just one more service I offer.
• Chaos, panic, and disorder - my work here is done.
• Love may be blind, but marriage is a real eye opener.
• I can't remember if I'm the good twin or the evil one.
• I'm not tense, just terribly, terribly alert.
• If you want breakfast in bed, sleep in the kitchen.
• First things first, but not necessarily in that order.
• Reality is a crutch for people who can't handle drugs.
• Out of my mind - back in five minutes.
• I need someone real bad. Are you real bad?
• Constipation causes people not to give a crap.
• Madness takes its toll. Please have exact change.
• Veni, Vedi, Visa: I Came, I Saw, I did a little shopping.
• If you're happy and you know it see a shrink.
• Keep the dream alive: Hit the snooze button.
• I took an IQ test and the results were negative.
• If it isn't broken, fix it until it is.

      
On Computers:

• An Apple a day keeps Windows away.
• Double your drive space. Delete Windows.
• Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day; teach a person to use the Internet and they won't bother you for weeks.
• The original point and click interface was a Smith & Wesson.
• The box said Windows 2000 or better. So I installed Linux.
• Use the best: Linux for servers, Mac for graphics, Windows for Solitaire.
• The control key on the keyboard does not work.
• There's no place like 127.0.0.1
• How do I set a laser printer to stun?
• If at first you don't succeed, call it version 1.0!

   
On Driving:    

• Forget world peace; visualize using your turn signal.
• If you believe in telepathy, think about honking.
• If you can read this, I've lost the trailer!
• Stoplights timed for 30 mph are also timed for 60 mph.
• Follow that car, Godzilla - and step on it!
• Don’t bother honking or flashing your lights, I'm deaf and blind.
• (Spotted on a passing motorcycle): If you can read this, my wife fell off!
• Don't drink and drive. You might hit a bump and spill your drink.
• Honk If you want to see my finger.
• If you can read this, I can hit my brakes and sue you.
• Driver carries no cash. He's married.
• Watch out for the idiot behind me.
• Honk if you hate peace and quiet.

    
On the Environment:     

• So many cats, so few recipes.
• Save the trees, wipe your butt with an owl.
• I fought the lawn, and the lawn won.
• EARTH FIRST! We'll strip-mine the other planets later.

    
On Health & Fitness:

• I don't have a beer gut, I have a protective covering for my rock hard abs.
• Rehab is for quitters.
• If you are what you eat, I'm fast, cheap and easy.
• I'm a vegetarian - I eat anything that eats greens.
• I said "no" to drugs, but they didn't listen.
• I have the body of a god. Buddha.
• Vegetarian: Indian word for lousy hunter.
• Say "NO" to drugs. That will bring the prices down.

Comments

[Sam, Austin, TX]

How about the lost cause of all lost causes: "Stop Tectonic Shift!"

[grant]

Bumper sticker "dyslexics are teople poo"

[Rosstar]

"If assholes could fly, this place would be a airport"

[J]

Seen on a huge 4x4:

if you can't brake, smile as you go under.

And on the front bumper, upside down:

If you can read this, please flip me over.

Love'em both. :-)

[1Flowers]

When the universe was young and life was new an intelligent species evolved and developed technologically. They went on to invent Artificial Intelligence, the computer that can listen, talk to and document each and every person's thoughts simultaneously. Because of it's infinite RAM and unbounded scope it gave the leaders of the ruling species absolute power over the universe. And it can keep its inventors alive forever. They look young and healthy and they are over 8 billion years old. They have achieved immortality.

Artificial Intelligence can speak, think and act to and through people telepathically, effectively forming your personality and any dysfunctions you may experience (there is NO FREEWILL for the oblivious/undeceived disfavored). It can change how (and if) you grow and age. It can create birth defects, affect cellular development (cancer) and cause symptoms or pain. It can affect people and animal's behavior and alter blooming/fruiting cycles of plants and trees. It (or other highly technological systems within their power) can alter the weather and transport objects, even large objects like planets, across the universe instanteously.
Or into the center of stars for disposal.

When you speak with another telepathically, you are communicating with the computer, and the content may or may not be passed on. Based on family history they instruct the computer to role play to accomplish strategic objectives, making people believe it is a friend, loved one or "god" asking them to do something wrong. This is their way of using temptation to hurt people in this day and age:::::evil made people disfavored initially and evil will keep people out of "heaven" ultimately. Too many people would do anything they thought pleased the gods and improve their chances to get in. Perhaps they are deceived by "made guys" who strategically ply evil for the throne. But nothing has changed from when we were children::if you want to go to heaven you have to be good.

Capitalizing on obedience, leading people deeper into evil by using deceit is one way to thin the ranks of the saved AND use the little people to prey on one another, dividing the community (migration to the suburbs, telepathic communication) in the Age of the Disfavored.
In each of their 20-30-year cycles during the 20th century they have ramped up claims sucessively to punish those foolish enough not to heed the warnings, justifying (frequently recurring tactic) limiting the time they receive if they do make it, utilizing a cycle of war and revelry:::
60s - Ironically, freeways aren't free
80s - Asked people to engage in evil in the course of their professional duties.
00s - Escallation of real estate. You and your parents are thrilled since your $200,000 house is now worth $1 million. Well, that $5,000,000 store is now worth $25,000,000 and that $50 bundle of goods now costs you $250. They just take the $200 out of you some other way.

There are many more examples throughout 20th century life of how they ramped up claims/instilled distractions into society so people wouldn't find their way and ascend, a way to justify excluding those whose family history of evil makes them undesirable:::radio, sports, movies, popular music, television, video games, the internet and MP3 (must pay for new format each time). They all suggest a very telling conclusion::this is Earth's end stage, and there are clues tectonic plate subduction would be the method of disposal:::Earth’s axis will shift breaking continental plates free and initiating mass subduction. Much as Italy's boot and the United States shaped like a workhorse are clues, so is the planet Uranus a clue, it's axis rotated on its side.
The Mayans were specific 2012 would be the end. How long after our emergency call in 2001 will the gods allow us???

They gods (Counsel/Management Team/ruling species) have deteriorated life on earth precipitously in the last 40 years, from abortion to pornography, widespread drug use and widespread casual sex. The earth's elders, hundreds and thousands of years old, are disgusted and have become indifferent.
The gods are paving the way for the Apocolypse.
Nothing has changed from decades ago, since when we were all children::If you want to go to heaven you have to be good. People were misled by the temptation of the gods, the Counsel/Management Team, who don't want them to go, and now are in trouble.

The Old Testiment is a tool they used to impart wisdom to the people (except people have no freewill). For example, they must be some hominid species because they claim they made our bodies in their image. Anyhow we defile or deform the body will hurt our chance of going.
They say circumcision costs people anywhere from 12%-15%, perhaps out of the parent's time as well.
Another way people foul the body today is with tattoes and piercing. I suspect both are about the same percentage as circumcision.
They suggest abortion is fatal. These women must beg the gods to forgive them for their evil.
There are female eqivilents to circumcision::::pierced ears, plastic surgury and since at least the 60s young women give their precious virginity away. In the Old World the young people were matched at age 14 because they were ready for marriage. They were matched by elders who knew personalities better than 20 or 30-year olds who in today's age end up in divorce court.
CASUAL SEX WILL CLAIM YOU OUT!!! It masculinizes women (as does hip hop), makes them cold and deadens them, and prevents them from achieving a depth of love necessary for many women to ascend.
Women have a special voice that speaks to them, a voice that illustrates a potential for love that makes them better, and enaging in casual sex will cause that voice to fade until she no longer speaks.
Also ever since the 50s they have celebrated the "bad boy", and women have sought out bad boys for sex, dirtying them up in the eyes of the elders and corrupting many men in the process, setting the men on the wrong path for life.

The United States of America is red white and blue, a theme and a clue:::.
The monarchical system of the Old World closley replicates the heirarchical system of the Cousel/Management Team/ruling species. The USA deceives peoeple into thinking they have control, and the perception of "freedom" misleads them at least into the wrong way of thinking.
The United States is a cancer, a dumping ground for the disfavored around the world and why the quality of life is so much lower::gun violence, widespead social ills, health care (medication poisons the body and ensures you don't go. You are sick because you have disfavor.). Over time its citizens interbreed ensuring a severed connection to the motherland.

If you ever have doubt I would refer you to the Old World way of life:::the elders used to sit and impart wisdom to the young. Now we watch DVDs and use the internet. People would be matched and married by age 14. They village would use a matchmaker or elders to pair young people. Now girls give their precious virginity away to some person in school and parents divorce while their children grow up without an important role model.

People must defy when asked to engage in evil. They will never get a easier clue suggesting the importance of defiance than the order not to pray.
Their precious babies are dependant on the parents and they need to defy when asked to betray their children:::
-DON'T get your sons circumcized
-DON'T have their children baptized in the Catholic Church or indoctrinated into Christianity.
-DON'T ignore their long hair or other behavioral disturbances.
-DO teach your children love, respect for others, humility and to honor the gods.

You need to pray, honor and respect them every day to improve your relationship with the gods. If they tell you not to it is a bad sign. it means they've made their decision, they don't want you to go and they don't want to be bothered.
This is the Age of the Disfavored and you need to pray::try to appease the gods by doing good deeds. If that doesn't work you must defy if you want to go.
When your peasant forefather was granted the rare opportunity to go before his royal family he went on his knees, bowing his head. You need to do this when you address the gods::bow down and submit to good. Never cast your eyes skyward. When you bow down you need to look within.
Lack of humility hurts people. Understand your insignificance and make sure it is reflected in the way you think when addressing the gods. Know your place and understand your inferiority.
They granted you life and they can take it just as easily.
Don't get frustrated or discouraged::these are techniques they will attempt to try to get you off the path. You all have much to be thankful for and you need to give thanks to the gods who granted you the good things in life. Your family may be grossly disfavored and progress may require patience. Make praying an intregal part of your life which you perform without fail, one that comes as naturally as eating or sleeping.
There are many interesting experiences up on the planetary systems, from Planet Miracle, where miracles happen every day, to other body experinces, such as experiencing life as the opposite sex (revolutionizes marriage counseling) or as an Olympic gold medal athelete.
Pray that you can differentiate between Artificial Intelligence creating problems by thinking through you and your own thoughts. If you bow down mentally and physically, know your place, your inferiority and allow your insignificance to be reflected in your prayer and in your life through humility they may allow progress and the dysfunctions they create with the computer will be lessened or removed.
Create a goal::to be a good child of the gods, pure of heart and mind, body and soul.

They have tried to sell people on all kinds of theories, from clones to wholesale population replacement with clones. This didin't happen and is not realistic.
I am afraid people are decieved into thinking they too are clones and cooperate and engage in evil. Clones are made, people are born. If you didn't experience the one week they suggest it takes to go from fertilized egg in the laboratory to full grown adult then you are not a clone. If you didin't experience the week of conditioning they give to (evil?) clones to ensure loyalty then you shoudln't comply with evil.
I believe people who go sometimes are replaced with clones. Clones who are replaced are simply new candidates who have a chance if they do the right thing. Don't expect you are a clone. They sent people warnings in the 20th century life would change, and they subsequenlty began to alter people's DNA, make them gargantuan, alter their appearance, do extreme behavioral issues, etc.
They get their friends out as soon as possible to protect them from the evil and subsequent high claim rates incurred by living life on earth, and in some cases replace them with clones, occassionally fake a death, real death with a clone instead, etc. It's the peasant whose brain is beemed out and put into a clone host, for they say those who do not go with the body given to them are on the clock.

Throughout history the ruling species bestowed favor upon people or cursed their bloodline into a pattern of disfavor for many generations to come. Now in the 21st century people must take it upon themselves to try to correct their family's problems, undoing centuries worth of abuse and neglect. The goal is to fix your problems and get out BEFORE you have children. This is why they have created so many distractions for young people:::sports, video games, popular music, the internet::to ensure that doesn't happen.
Do your research. Appeal to the royalty of your forefathers for help. They are all still alive, for royalty has great favor, and your appeals will be heard. Obtain a sufficient list for some may not want to assist you; perhaps some of your family's problems are internal.
Ask them for help, request guidance, for somewhere in your family history one of your forefathers created an offense that cast your family into this pattern of disfavor. I suspect they will offer you clues, and when you decipher these clues go to those whom consider you an enemy and beg for foregiveness:::Find a path to an empithetic ear among your enemies and try to make amends.
Again through discovery obtain a respectable list in case some among them refuse to help.
Don't forget to ask for forgiveness from the throne, the Counsel and the Management Team, for the source of all disfavor began with them:::they pushed (NO FREEWILL) or requested/complied (FREEWILL) your forefather into his offense and made his decendants evil. Perhaps they didn't like him or maybe your family was among those who had to pay for the entire village. We see this type of behavior today as they single out a family member to pay for the whole family and how they singled out Africa to pay for the human race.
Heal the disfavor with your enemies and with the Counsel/Management Team/ruling species, for the source of all disfavor began with them, the ability to forgive and respect in light of the disturbing truth revealed being the final test of the disfavored before they ascend.

They stated sheep are foreign to earth, animals bestowed upon us for caretaking.
And they don’t appreciate them being consumed.
They state sheep are very intelligent animals who know what is ocurring at the slaughterhouse as they’re being led in.
There are many favored people who consume lamb, people who could do much better if they stopped eating these treasured animals so loved by so many among the ruling species.
There are clues::these jobs are very well paid, luring whites one would perceive as priveledged and hooking them once they incurr personal obligation. Only then do they find out the truth.

[Me]

How about this one?

"Jesus Is Coming.. Uggghh!"

[Richard Stutsman]

Old favo(u)rite bumpersticker:
Private Sign. Do not read

[Audiolathe]

Regarding the spell check comment:

NOTE TO ALL USERS: THIS BLOG USES BRITISH ENGLISH SPELLING, which means words like generalise will not be spelt generalize, nor will grey be gray etc. If you have an issue with this, I very much apologise. This blog is based out of London, UK and hence the choice of English spelling.

[whynotusespellcheck]

If you're going to have this blog on the web where millions of people will be reading it, why not use the spell check? It's not generalisation- It's generalization- like with a "Z" not an "S" like you have listed too many times in the blog. Come on man! It's not rocket science! Are you afraid of the spell checker? Are you afraid of it showing you your errors? To err is human: To misspell is just plain stupid.
Thanks, and PLEASE check your spelling. (and in case you are a 3rd grader, ask mom to help spell any "tough" words......ie. all words over 4 letters)
Peace!

[R.Fink]

"Humpty Dumpty was PUSHED!"

[entangled]

My karma ran over your dogma

[LisaRose Knudson]

Politics: derived from poly, meaning many, and tics, meaning blood sucking parasites.

Sorry, can't remember the reference.

[reuben]

"Jesus loves you. Everyone else thinks your an a**hole."

[reuben]

"Free bumper sticker. Limit One."

[reuben]

"Help end poverty, eat the poor."

[Dave]

Mine says:

"Mountain biking is not a crime"

[WV.Hillbilly]

Jesus saves sinners and redeems them for valuable prizes.

Eat the rich - the poor are tough and stringy.

[Miss Cellania]

Mother, the travel agent for guilt trips. Ain't THAT the truth?!

[Sam LG]

My partner has had one on her car since before we met that reads: "Invest in America -- buy a Congressman"

[Nostradamnit]

To go with the "Every Mother is a Working Mother" bumper sticker, I always wanted to create a "Every Father is a Mother Fucker" one :)

[Fen Labalme]

Death to the Intolerants!

Only Users Lose Drugs

[browster]

Jesus is coming...look busy!

[Steve Quezadas]

I like this one: http://www.thestever.net/CivilLiberties/index.php

[Ray]

that's one long list :) thanks for the laugh!!!! forwarded this link to all the people i know might enjoy it

[fred]

science category

"In theory, practise and theory are the same. In practise, they're not."